Chemistry vs. Connection with Alison Armstrong | Ep 23

We’ve been conditioned to chase the thrill…the butterflies, the intoxicating pull, the undeniable chemistry. We’re told it’s a sign, a cosmic green light that we’ve found the one. But what if that rush isn’t leading us to love at all? What if it’s keeping us in a cycle of heartbreak, confusion, and unmet expectations? What if the real secret to love isn’t in the sparks, but in something deeper—something we create rather than just feel?

This is exactly what we explore in my latest episode of Born to Be Free with the brilliant Alison Armstrong. She is not just a relationship expert, she’s a pioneer in understanding the intricate dynamics between men and women. With over two decades of research, her work, including The Queen’s Code, has transformed how people navigate love, dating, and commitment. In our conversation, she strips away the illusions we’ve been sold about love, revealing why we get stuck in destructive patterns, how we unconsciously sabotage intimacy, and how we can begin choosing relationships that truly nourish us.

Together, we dismantle the myth of chemistry, exposing how it blinds us, tricks us into seeing what we want instead of what is, and often keeps us chasing love that isn’t real. We uncover the difference between fleeting passion and deep connection, the illusion that we must deserve love versus simply receiving it, and the silent expectations that sabotage relationships before they even begin. This episode isn’t just a conversation…it’s an invitation to shift how we approach love, to move from chasing sparks to building something unshakable.

If you’ve ever felt pulled into love that fades too fast or wondered why attraction doesn’t always lead to fulfillment, this episode is for you. Listen now, and let’s rewrite the way we love—starting with the way we understand it.

KEY NOTES:

-Guest introduction: Alison Armstrong as a relationship expert who has studied men and women for over two decades

-Sharada discovered Alison through Layla Martin’s podcast and felt deeply drawn to her work

-Alison’s Approach & Teaching Philosophy

-Her Journey into Relationship Studies

-The Queen’s Code, a book that took over a decade to develop

-Chemistry vs. Connection in Relationships

-Alison’s upcoming YouTube series will cover Chemistry & Connection, explaining how to create, manage, and balance both.

-The Trap of Feeling ‘Deserving’ in Love

-The deserving equation leads to self-sabotage

-Role of Expectations in Relationships

-Restoration and healing require acknowledging both injuries and dishonors in relationships

-Importance of self-forgiveness and breaking out of destructive emotional cycles

-Alison’s future work & upcoming book sequel, The King’s Code

ABOUT Alison Armstrong

Alison Armstrong’s exploration of human behavior began in 1991, with her decision to study men:

"To find out how I was bringing out the worst in them. And hopefully, how to bring out the best." Her success in understanding men naturally led to studying women’s behavior and making vital connections between the two.

As her work evolved over decades, Alison now illuminates human characteristics that precede and express themselves regardless of gender, age, and upbringing. She distinguishes normal human instincts that compel both men and women to behave in ways that contradict and undermine our own purposes, goals, values, needs, and relationships.

Besides fulfilling the need to understand why people behave as they do, Alison offers practical, partnership-based alternatives. Through her seminars, books, online programs, and media contributions, she has been giving millions of people access to more fulfilling lives, loving relationships, stronger families, and productive organizations.

Alison is a sought-after speaker and thought leader among people with the desire to live empowered lives. Her philosophy and approach are referenced and taught by other authors, speakers, business consultants, and therapists.

Follow Alison on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thealisonarmstrong

Website: https://www.alisonarmstrong.com/

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Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/born-to-be-free/id1732123169

Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4w1KLIoHKxifsUo7odfFSV

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